Stop Forcing. Start Exposing: Why Readiness Matters for Our Autistic Kids

As parents of autistic children, we carry a deep, often overwhelming desire to help our children thrive. We want them to eat a variety of foods, try new experiences, and engage with the world in ways we believe are essential for their growth and development. But sometimes, that desire can turn into pressure—and pressure can quickly turn into force.

Let’s talk about the difference between exposing our autistic children to new things and forcing them to do something before they are ready.

The Trauma of Forcing

What feels like encouragement to us can feel like trauma to our kids. Forcing an autistic child to eat something they find repulsive, to participate in an activity that causes sensory overload, or to interact in a way that doesn’t feel natural to them can backfire. Not only can it lead to shutdowns or meltdowns, but over time, it chips away at their sense of safety and trust—with themselves, and with us.

When a child is repeatedly forced into situations they aren’t ready for, it can teach them that their "no" doesn't matter. That their comfort doesn’t matter. That they don’t matter.

We don’t want that.

Exposure Isn’t the Enemy—Force Is

Exposure is still important. Our children deserve to know what’s out there, to experience the world in ways that honor their neurodiversity. But exposure should come without pressure. It’s showing them new foods on their plate—without requiring a bite. It’s sitting near the bounce house and watching—without expecting them to jump in. It’s playing a new song in the car—without demanding a dance party in the back seat.

Exposure gives them the opportunity to explore, observe, and choose. That’s when readiness begins to grow.

Readiness is a Form of Respect

Meeting your child where they are and waiting until they’re ready isn’t “giving in.” It’s giving respect. It’s saying: I see you. I trust your process. And I’ll walk beside you, not push you from behind.

Sometimes, readiness comes after repeated exposure. Sometimes it comes with maturity. And sometimes, it doesn’t come at all—and that’s okay, too.

What You Can Do Instead

• Model the behavior: Show them how it’s done without expectation that they follow.

• Use storytelling or visuals: Let them explore new ideas through books, videos, or social stories.

• Celebrate observation: Watching quietly is a valid and powerful form of engagement.

• Give options: Offer choices, not ultimatums.

• Hold space: Be patient. Readiness doesn’t work on your timeline—but it will show up.

  
  

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to be the parent who pushes their child through the fire to make them “stronger.” You can be the one who builds a safe path beside the fire and waits for them to walk it—when they’re ready. Because when a child feels safe, respected, and supported, they’ll try new things not out of fear or force—but out of trust and curiosity.

And that’s the kind of growth that lasts.